Parenting is not easy. I have always said it is the toughest job in the world. But then when you throw boys into that mix of raising children, it can make for some hair pulling times.
Lately, I’ve really been wanting to see some change in me. I don’t want to be a fault finding momma but instead one who encourages and supports my children. I’ve been praying and asking God to help me change.
I felt one day to watch To Train Up a Child by Michael Pearl. I love his insights into child training.
Anyways, I was so inspired by what he had to say concerning raising teenagers. It really spoke to me and I want to share it with you in case you’re needing some encouragement in that area.
There were so many good things he said but I’ll just share a few of the main highlights for me.
If you don’t have control or if you haven’t won your child’s heart by puberty it will show up in what Mr. Pearl call’s pubermania. Your child will start trying to exert his/her will.
You may say, “Don’t do that.”
He’ll say, “I will do that.”
You may say, “You can’t.”
He’ll say, “I can.”
Etc.
Your child has closed his soul off to you because you have hurt him. You have taken information that you learned and used it to hurt him.
You must become attractive to your child. Become the person you want your child to be. If you want them to be positive, you must be positive. If you want them to be loving, you must be loving. In other words, how they are acting can so many times be a mirror of ourselves.
Is the God they see in you attractive or is it hypocritical and unloving?
Every child is attracted to love, joy and peace.
If you home’s atmosphere is caustic… STOP
Take a look at yourself… hard. If you don’t like what you see in your child, you have only yourself to blame. It all happened on your watch.
Whew, this can be very discouraging. I know. But there’s hope if you are willing to accept the responsibility for where you are now.
Some things you can do to change your situation…
1. Look at your child with eyes of love. You can’t fool children; they know when you’re sincere.
2. Start tying strings of fellowship with them. Do things with them. Honestly, I don’t feel like I manage this one very well. I don’t really feel like doing things that boys like to do. But something I did the other night was ask my son to come and talk with me for 15 minutes. It was bedtime and a good time to have a conversation. I had no idea what I was going to say and we stumbled around for awhile but then we got on to a Scripture verse he’s been meditating on lately. It struck me hard but I was so thankful to hear it because I needed it.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29
That pretty much settles everything. When we are negative with each other and our criticisms outweigh any good thing we might say, what do you think might happen to that relationship? Are we building up or tearing down our homes, our spouses, our children with our words?
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
“No one has ever been motivated to crawl out from under a pile of criticism to do better.” (Michael Pearl) I really want to edify my children. My negativity not only puts a wedge of distance between me and my child but it hurts and breaks the strings of fellowship.
If it is possible for there to be any positives to all of this, it is this…
My flaws must be brought out and exposed to the light so that I may seek forgiveness and be molded by my Lord Jesus into what He wants me to be. I do not want to live my life ignoring or thinking the problem lies with everyone else instead of myself. Knowing that all we take with us when we die is our character, I want my character to be changed here in this life.
This reminds me like nothing else that I need Him with me every moment to help me control that unruly member of my body – the tongue.
I want my kids to see Jesus in me.
Filed under: Child Training
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I love this post, Elisabeth! It’s so very encouraging that God is working with us both in this area. More often than not, when I see something I don’t like in my children, all I have to do is look in the mirror. I want to be molded more into God’s image and I want my children to see Christ reflected in me.
Which DVD/book of Pearl’s did you watch? I would like to order it.
Lily, the DVD I watched was To Train Up a Child. I love that video!
I have the book, but not the video…it looks like it’s no longer available unless “Childtraining 101″ has replaced it. I don’t remember the book talking about teenage issues at all. (Maybe I should reread it!)
Beautiful Elizabeth….God bless you.
Enjoyed talking with you, as always
Thank you. I always enjoy seeing your bright smile, too.
Loved this Elisabeth and SOOOO true….I’m always praying for the Lord’s help to only point out the positive things done because it inspires them to keep it up. I think the earlier we begin, the better (easier), because as we help them learn their responsibilities, manners, etc…we can inspire them to happily create good habits by praising and pointing out the good that they do when they are at that tender age to be helpful and pleasing. If those habits aren’t created at a young age…then it’s harder to correct without sounding negative when pointing things out and easily discourages them when they get to that age that they need our confidence in them. Thanking the Lord that He can still give us wisdom as we need it for those things that show up that we didn’t anticipate when older.
Thanks for posting…a good reminder.