I can honestly say it’s been a wonderful 4 years. The mothers have been excellent to work with, the girls are delightful to have around and I have been amazed at watching the talents of these girls blossom.

I have thought of this quote of Hudson Taylor’s so many times.

God’s work done in God’s way will never lack God’s supply. –Hudson Taylor

I feel that way about Castle Keepers. God has always provided the means for which to operate the club with parents and friends that are so supportive. I feel He is well pleased with the mission of Castle Keepers and that is to raise girls who value home and desire to fulfill the calling he has given all girls – to be a Godly girl and keeper of the home.

I’ve seen it argued that this is an archaic idea but by whose standards? God’s Word never changes, He said many wonderful things about ladies being the keeper of their homes and that should be our goal – not to excel at a career first and then move on when you feel you have accomplished that.

A keeper of the home is honorable. It’s a great calling and every boy or girl that has a mother that places her children above an outside career knows it and appreciates it to their very core or will when they get older! I understand there are many times a mom must work outside of the home but oh, so often it’s due to the lack of vision for family. I feel strongly every family must have a vision for family life and I’ve written on the subject a few times.

The Importance of a Family Vision

A Home Life that Nourishes – Taking the Road Less Traveled

So Castle Keepers has begun and I’m excited to see what challenges we will do this year. I don’t even know what the challenges will be and I pick one each month! haha I depend upon the Lord to inspire me because I figure He’s very creative! Wouldn’t you agree? Just look at His creation to get a glimpse of His creativity. It’s pretty amazing.

What’s your thoughts about focusing on raising girls to be homemakers more than having them focus on an outside career?

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We take for granted what we offer our children – love, security, and the caring not only for their physical needs but their emotional needs. These are not things they can live without. It is vital to their lives.

Why is that?

Being bored is a good indicator that a child has been entertained too much and most usually from the following: videos, television, video games or activities away from home. When you’re constantly being entertained in the passive way that videos, t.v. and video games do, your creative side suffers. You are unable or hampered in thinking of activities that appeal beyond more of the same. We like being entertained and don’t want the work of doing it ourselves. Activities away from home can also be detrimental to our children’s creative thinking if they aren’t the right kinds of activities and besides kids need downtime. They need quiet, simple days and times of just being.

Donald Zolan

If a child is complaining of being bored it’s likely because they feel they deserve something more and they want someone else to take on the responsibility of breaking their boredom.

But is that really necessary?

What if we allowed our children to be bored? What might happen?

Jim Daly

In his book Home Built Discipline the late Dr Raymond Moore writes,

“Children are over-toyed, over-entertained, and over-amused at home, at school, and wherever they go. Give your children a chance to develop concentration and coordination as well as creativity in play, and you will discover a new spirit in them.”

Children need to learn to just be. I love what Just Enough, and Nothing More says in their post titled, “Why Do Kids Get Bored.”

“I recently read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s a travelogue of how she went around the world looking for herself. As part of her journey, she spends some time in Bali, and she talks about the kids there, who sit for hours waiting to see a doctor, playing with their fingers and toes, without so much as a peep about how long they will be sitting there. She talks about a child who plays with a piece of blue tile, imagining it’s part of a grand kitchen, and she’s preparing a meal for her friends.

Being bored is not imaginable to a child who has a simple life. Being bored for us, is the inability to accept simplicity. Our children, growing up in a complex, hyper-stimulating world, are conditioned to expect this. And when it’s not there, it creates anxiety. Translation, they get bored.”

If your child comes to you and says he’s bored, give him a few suggestions and if none of those appeal then say, “I’m sorry, it sounds like you’ll have to think of something yourself.”

Jim Daly

Your child’s response might be telling.

Since my youngest daughter always has her brother to play with she’s not quite sure how to occupy herself when he’s gone and will frequently complain that there’s nothing to do since he’s not there. While I love that they are the best of playmates, I also want her to learn to be content, happy when he’s not around. I want her to enjoy the present.

If we don’t want our children to be caught up in the frenziedness of most of society we need to let them just be. Let them learn to make their own fun, to explore and create, to use their imaginations.

As a parent it is not your responsibility to entertain the child.

A child can learn to be content wherever he is. Sure there will be some things that are more fun or appealing to him but he can also learn to appreciate where he’s at right now and if he/she is able to do that, they will never be bored again.

Donald Zolan

So next time your child says he’s bored, maybe give him/her a few suggestions like:

Make something out of wood, Lego’s, sewing project

Build fort

Cook or bake

Draw or Paint

Play dolls

Read a book

This is not the time to give them passive entertainment such as a video, television or video games.

If your few and simple suggestions do not meet with their approval, then let them be bored. No one has ever died from it and yet many have benefited from it. This is an opportunity for out of their boredom they will learn to entertain themselves. Creativity will have a chance to lift it’s head and show the child more of the world than he thought was there.

A thought. If a child comes from a troubled home, it may not be wise to leave them alone… “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” This is true. This child probably needs one-on-one time with you, time spent building or putting things together, working in the house or yard together, reading together and then in slow increments you could let them do things on their own but I would highly discourage the passive entertainments mentioned above. (videos, television, video games) An educational video might be okay once in a while but let it be infrequent and not the norm. Television, with all it’s commercials, is really not a good thing to sit your child in front of at any time.

Jim Daly

While you do want your children to learn to entertain themselves, there’s always the balance.

Parents do need to be involved with their kids, to do things with them. Don’t neglect this side of the equation. But it can be simple and it doesn’t even have to involve leaving the house. Simplicity in what we do is okay.

The heart at rest sees a feast in everything. –Proverb

These questions might be a good jumping off point if your child should say, “I’m, Bored!”

(If you know who made this nice little graphic, please let me know. The link was broken.)

]]> https://treasuringthemoments.net/2014/06/05/eliminating-the-boredom-issue-in-children/feed/ 4 https://treasuringthemoments.net/2014/03/07/3-things-your-daughter-can-do-while-waiting-for-mr-right/ https://treasuringthemoments.net/2014/03/07/3-things-your-daughter-can-do-while-waiting-for-mr-right/#comments Fri, 07 Mar 2014 16:05:33 +0000 http://treasuringthemoments.net/?p=699225

Start with focusing on only one thing that you desire to change.

In a famous article published in 1983, Anya Bateman tells how she changed her life by focusing on only one thing she wanted to change and then doing it for 21 days.  For some of the habits she was trying to form, she kept a journal of her thoughts and excuses and anything else that came up that made her not want to keep her agreement with herself.

While working on forming a habit, we must be ever careful not to let ourselves or our children fail in the keeping of them.  We must be vigilant.

I know this firsthand.  For 3 months I faithfully exercised 5 days a week for 30 minutes.  Then our family left for a 2 week vacation and after 3 months of establishing this habit of exercise, all my resolve and commitment went out the window in that 2 weeks and I couldn’t get myself back into it.

You see, as I mentioned in Part I of Habit Training, you have formed pathways in your brain when you do something over and over.  When you initiate a new habit you begin forming new pathways but the old ones NEVER go away.  That is why I went back to my old habit of not exercising even after 3 months of diligence.

Charlotte Mason gives the example in her book, Home Education Vol. 1, of a little boy who the mother wants to have establish the habit of closing the door behind him.  She talks to her son concerning this, telling him she is going to help him remember by reminding him when he forgets. The little boy has trouble remembering in the beginning but mother reminds him in gentle ways and is careful not to let this become a source of contention between the two of them.

After about 20 times, the habit is starting to be instilled in Johnny and mother is quite delighted.  But then comes a pivotal moment in the forming of this habit.  Mother is feeling so happy that Johnny is finally consistently remembering, that she then allows herself to have a moment of pity for him.

‘Poor child,’ she says to herself, ‘it is very good of him to take so much pains about a little thing, just because he is bid!’ vol 1 pg 124

She doesn’t realize that Johnny is doing it because the habit is starting to form; she thinks he’s making the effort for her sake.

The day comes that Johnny forgets to shut the door, he realizes it and it makes him pause for a moment, but not enough to cause him to shut the door; he wonders if mother will call him back.  Mother is thinking how good he has been about shutting the door for so long and so she thinks, “I’ll let him off this once.”

Then Johnny leaves the door open again and when mother half-heartedly reminds him, he hears in her voice her lack of commitment and he makes the excuse that he’s in quite the hurry.  Mother lets him off until the next time when he makes another excuse that he’s going back out shortly, which he did 10 minutes later but he forgets to shut the door again.

In these few moments, mother’s work was undone and she will have to start all over again.

There are really only two steps to forming a new habit in your life and your children’s.

1.  Work on only 1 habit at a time.

2. Do the thing, never once letting it slide, never once letting yourself of the hook, never once letting the children not do the thing you have purposed they need to change.

Like Anya Bateman, you may want to keep a journal recording your thoughts as you are establishing your new habit.  At the very least, keep track on the calendar when you start and place a check mark showing you completed it each day.

Charlotte Mason made the correlation between habits and the rails that trains run on.  Here are her words.

 …just as it is on the whole easier for the locomotive to pursue its way on the rails than to take a disastrous run off them, so it is easier for the child to follow lines of habit carefully laid down than to run off these lines at his peril. –Charlotte Mason

Habits are a part of our everyday life in everything we do but are they good habits that we want to keep?  Maybe we want to consider changing some.  Let me list here some of the areas that we may want to focus our efforts.

Personal Hygiene – showering, brushing teeth, flossing, combing hair, shaving (for the boys – this is something my boys need help in!)

Physical Exercise – keeping our bodies strong and fit

Physical Environment – bedroom, schoolroom/school desk, house, yard

Dietary – eating more vegetables/fruit, not getting that second portion, saying no to so many sweets, losing excess weight

Spiritual – reading our Bible, praying, listening to tapes

Feeding the Mind – reading books that will encourage growth

Hobbies

and there are many more areas.

Why not mention a few areas that came to mind as you were reading this in the comments below?

Don’t be ashamed if you start with only a tiny baby step.  The goal is to break the old way of doing things.  If your goal is too lofty you might be setting yourself up for failure or discouragement.  But who am I to say?  If you have absolute resolve, and never let yourself slide, you can do it!

For myself, I have committed to the habit of exercise.  I am doing a baby step – 2 minutes on my Gazelle ski machine, 4 days a week. It’s a small step, I agree, but I knew I would make excuses if it was much bigger.

The next habit that I’m working on is (I’m breaking the rule of learning only 1 habit, I know. ) having my kids clean their school desks off at the end of the day.

Are you currently working on forming a new habit?

Thinking all along that she was just having fun, I responded, “No, it comes from the ground.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a melon.”

As we continued to talk, it finally came out that she assumed I was cutting up a cantaloupe which she concluded was part of an antelope.

Because I had never thought to explain where cantaloupe’s come from.

Oh dear, there are gaps in our homeschooling!  The greatest fear of a homeschooling mom.  I was so very close to having one.

Whew! Barely saved.

My Audrey knows more about how goats, chickens, and puppies are born than how a cantaloupe grows.

I know most parents would not panic over this conversation.  Like you would have, I had a good laugh because we all know our children will eventually learn these things and that it’s just a part of being a child. Children are always learning about the world they live in – everyday – and having fun in the doing.

Until we decide it’s time for them to do “real” learning.

Then the pressure begins.

Why?

As Dr. Raymond Moore (one of the fathers of the homeschooling movement) wrote in “The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook”,

The best early “academics” are your responses to your children – giving yourself to them in warm fellowship, conversation, travel; reading and telling stories with moral values; working at home chores and cottage industries together; teaching them by example how to serve others (in the home and down the street); being alert to their highest motives and interests; and encouraging them to develop their own creative ideas in the sand pile, with kitchen dough, with a telescope, in a diary, and with tools in the garage or garden.  –Dr. Raymond Moore

A formal reading program at age 4? Formal academics at young ages?  (Click the link to read my post on Starting to Homeschool Your Young Child and a follow-up post here.)

The idea that parents should hurry reading spelling, writing or math ahead of children’s normal development is not supported by a single replicable research study in the world or by any clinical experience in history.  All history, research, and common sense points in the opposite direction!  –Dr. Raymond Moore

So what does it come down to when you consider this?

1.  Being exposed to a variety of experiences will increase their knowledge of the world around them

2.  Have “meaningful” talks with our children – (talking about cantaloupes count!)

3.  Play educational games with our children (they will learn, but there will be no stress for them or you)

3.  And if your child reaches age 11 and still doesn’t know where cantaloupes come from – maybe take a botany class or raise a garden.

I feel a little bit amazed today. Our sweet daughter Serenity has graduated from the 8th grade and will now be embarking on her high school education.

This weekend at our homeschool convention, Serenity went through the commencement program that they plan for 7th-9th graders.  And you know what?  She loved it!! She enjoyed it so much that she wishes she could do it again. Now that’s a big surprise coming from her because she’s quiet and doesn’t like attention focused on herself.

After seeing Serenity’s reaction to her graduation, I was reminded me of a story Florence Littauer tells about her mother.

Florence’s mother was a Phlegmatic, according to Florence’s division of personality types. In case you don’t know what phlegmatic means, here is Florence’s definition of a Phlegmatic.

Phlegmatic: This is the flat-type. They are easy-going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed. Desiring a peaceful environment above all else.

A Phlegmatic is neutral – they tend not to actively upset people, but their indifference may frustrate people. They try not to make decisions, and generally go for the status quo. They care about people and harmony.

(Serenity’s cheering section minus a few)

Florence’s mother, because she was so easy-going and not difficult was the type that could fit in anywhere. So when there was a dinner party, she would be put next to someone who was more difficult because she was a good listener who could get along with any of them.

(The boys think the world of Serenity.)

One time as Florence talked with her mother, her mother said, “All I ever really wanted was to just once be asked to sit at the head of the table and have a chair with arms on it.” Florence started thinking over the ways she had been treating her mother and realized that she had not been giving her what she needed, instead she had been dwelling only think of the things her mother couldn’t give her (on an emotional level).

Florence then did for her mother what she (her mother) had always wanted down in her heart – to be made to feel special.  Florence gave her a seat at the head of the table and gave her a chair with arms on it.

Sometimes the quiet, gentle child gets pushed to the side, while the demanding or more vocal one captures a majority of our attention.

But everyone wants to feel special.

They want to feel they matter to you and to others but they will never voice it because they’re not complainers.  I feel like I had an epiphany this weekend in realizing my Serenity is no different from Florence’s mother.

She also longs to feel that she is sPeCiAl to me.  As her mother, I am one of the most important people in the world to her right now. I don’t want to miss the opportunities that come my way to show her how much she means to me and to show her in the way she needs it.

Every girl wants to be a princess…

What are some things you do to help the quiet, easygoing one in your family feel special?

]]> https://treasuringthemoments.net/2012/07/23/do-you-have-a-quiet-easy-going-child-making-them-feel-special/feed/ 3 https://treasuringthemoments.net/2010/11/18/does-your-children-know-you-like-them/ https://treasuringthemoments.net/2010/11/18/does-your-children-know-you-like-them/#respond Thu, 18 Nov 2010 17:33:58 +0000 http://treasuringthemoments.net/?p=693616 I was talking to a friend recently who shared with me that her 7 year old son complains that she never plays with him.  She said, “I spend a lot of time with him.  I sit in the bathroom while he bathes, I sit with him while he does homework, I read to him, he reads to me.”  That sounds commedable doesn’t it?  I would be happy if I did I those things.  We all have limited time with the myriad obligations of homeschooling and homemaking responsibilities and the thought of carving out more time seems impossible. 

But you know what a person with wisdom said to her when she mentioned it to them? “Those are all motherly things.  You need to do things with him.”  Wow.  That hit me between the eyes when I heard that.

Why?

Well because I’ve noticed my own 7 year old becoming a little too independent and cool towards me.  And I’ve been thinking… “Elisabeth, you need to tie strings of fellowship here.  You need to work on your relationship with him.”

Yes, I take care of all of his physical needs.  Wash his clothes, prepare his meals, hug & kiss him at night but am I meeting his need for friendship?  Does he know I like him?

Have you ever asked your husband, “Do I love you?” 

I did and he responded with “Yes.” 

I then asked “Do I like you?” 

He said, “Sometimes.”

I was floored because the book I was reading at the time said that in many instances this is the case.  Husbands know their wives love them because of how their wives care for them but they don’t see love as being the same as liking them.

I believe the same applies to our children.  Do they know we like them?  Somehow we must convey our appreciation for them, these little bundles of sweetness & orneriness.    

I don’t think it’s complicated but it will take yours and my time.  Simple ways such as:  Being friendly with them and listening to them (this can be a hard one if they tend to tell you everything), doing activities with them or sometimes even just watching them. Telling them you like them.  This is relationship building and all the time and effort we put into tying strings of fellowship with our children will not go unrewarded. 

I’m the first to admit that it’s hard to change our ways but for the sake of our children we must commit ourselves.  We must realize the importance of it.  We must make time.  Can we spare even 15 minutes of our day and devote it to these precious charges God has given us?  If we are faithful in due season we shall reap.  We will have a relationship and our children will know that we really do enjoy being with them – that we like them.

May God give each of us the grace we need, 

There are over 10,000 bird species,

an estimated 100,000 different trees…

and more then 1,000,000 different insect species.

With six children, alike in some ways, but different in so many other areas how can I know how to lead and train them? Raising children is no cakewalk for me. I need help and direction. Some days I make one mistake and then compound it by making another. I need so much guidance. To whom do I turn? I know of no one better to ask than the one who created them.

Posted by Elisabeth at 2 comments

Copyright 2008 Treasuring the Moments

In the video he says children should work with you before they know what work really is. If you wait until they’re old enough to really help you, you are sitting yourself up for grumbling and complaining. Children want to feel needed and enjoy working alongside you. For example, when you’re washing dishes, have them sit on the counter beside the sink with a plastic cup and scrubber so that they can help, too.

Today I decided to try that out with Audrey (3yo). I had a very wrinkled pillowcase that needed ironed and so I lowered the ironing board to her level so she could iron. She was delighted that it was her right height and that she was able to iron my pillow case. She told everyone in the family about what she had did. Of course, I was right there the whole time, helping her lower the iron to the case since it can be a bit heavy.

Why not let the children help you now while they’re so eager? Time spent together bonding (doesn’t that sound nice), working with your little ones and teaching them useful skills.

Here are some other things she’s been doing. I caught her folding this all on her own. She’s been helping me fold sheets, too. Russell (my dh) found her folding her nightgown and putting it away after she awoke one morning. Now ladies, this may be what girls just tend to do because I know my boys never folded anything unless they had to – even to this day (almost!). In other areas though, they are a big help to me and their daddy for which I am most grateful.

Posted by Elisabeth at 6 comments

Copyright 2008 Treasuring the Moments